Wanted: Dead or Alive...

Wanted: Willbilly "the hillbilly" Elmer
Reasons: For importing and exporting dangerous and illegal materials into the U.S. by means of illegal transport. A warrant was posted for his arrest on the 13th of June 2005, where upon said perp disappeared without a trace. He has been known by a number of alias's namely: Sticky Finger's Stew, Big Belly Bill and Bald Butt Bart. Suspect will not have any facial hair due to the fact that he cannot grow any, (even though he is technically a full grown man). We suspect midget blood due to his small hands and constantly reaking of sausages. Suspect is highly dangerous, due to his extensive good looks and karate training.
Reward: $50

So the real boring reality of it all is that I was mistakenly arrested for driving without a commercial license. It ended up that I never needed one, but I am sure it is all my fault because the police never make mistakes. I spent a total of 5 hours in the county lock up which was more like a lobby than a jail. They treated really nice and even gave me complimentary sandals to go with my complimentary cavity cleaning, and I don't mean the Dentist kind of cavities. My bail was $50 dollars which of course I did not have on me since they only take cash, and one of my friends came and paid my bail. It took another 6 weeks and two court proceedings of me doing a bang up job defending myself before the state dropped its case against me. To be honest I kind of miss my sandals.